Misadventures Of An Average Mom

Because Average is the New Awesome!

Identity Crisis

on May 7, 2013

If someone asked me to describe myself or tell them what makes me who I am I could easily answer with a wife and a mother. The problem is that, as of late, I don’t think I could come up with anything else. I have reached a point in my life where I don’t know who I am. 

The problem with not knowing who I am is that I don’t know who to be when I am with others either. I have always had such a need and desire to be liked by others that I tend to bend over backwards to please them and say or act the way I think that particular group would want me to. Sadly, though looking back at my life I have also always had to put myself out there and more or less invite myself along to things to be included. My. Whole. Life. Luckily, it would seem I didn’t have a problem doing this. Unfortunately it leaves me wondering if anyone ever actually wanted me around one way or another. 

It’s not that I feel like I don’t have friends, because I know I do. I just wish I had more friends or the types of friends that you can get together with on a whim and do the things that women in their 30’s are supposed to. Grab a lunch, get some wine, go for a spa day. It’s not like I could afford most of those activities really, but I just don’t even know who I would do those things with anymore. 

I feel so completely alone most of the time and thought of when it is convenient for others because they need something that I have a particular skill for or because I’m involved somehow anyway. I can’t even blame them. Like I said, how can people really want to be around me when I don’t even know who I am?

I guess being an Aquarius I really do live up to the typical personality traits associated with them: “You may find them being surrounded by many but in reality they rarely have close friends and acquaintances. The universality of their sign makes them public people. They are often associated with many clubs, organizations and forums and like intellectual discussions. Aquarians are good communicators as long as you stay within their mental realm. They enjoy the company of like minded people. Aquarians tend to attach great importance to their friends and love to stay surrounded by them.”

source: http://www.123newyear.com/zodiac-signs/aquarius.html

I feel so defeated today for so many reasons. Sorry the debbie downer post. :-/

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2 responses to “Identity Crisis

  1. Danielle says:

    You can do it Erica! Tomorrow is another day! Also, it sounds like you need friends who share interests with you. I like this blog about forming friendships in your 30s: mwfseekingbff.com
    Hugs!

  2. ashythomson says:

    I completely understand this. I tell my husband all the time the same thing. I am a stay at home mother of three babies, we share a vehicle, and little pocket money. All I get to do is teach, fuss, feed, clean… and that’s just for my husband… lol. Sometimes it does take a moment to step back or aside and really find yourself again. Im slowly starting to find myself in a sea of Mommy, I need this or Honey, can you do this for me…

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