Misadventures Of An Average Mom

Because Average is the New Awesome!

Some people just don’t understand.

on May 7, 2015

My cousin, who has suffered 3 miscarriages herself, has said it best so far for me: “It doesn’t matter that you have two other kid at home, this loss is allowed to affect you.” I am allowed to be sad for THIS baby. Yes, I am beyond blessed and fortunate and lucky to have my two beautiful and [mostly] healthy kids. (Edison has a seizure disorder which, luckily, right now is under control with medication). Why should I be upset when I already have kids at home? People can resent me for having any kids at all because maybe they suffer from infertility and haven’t been fortunate enough to get pregnant yet.  I did too. I get it. I had to painstakingly go through rounds of medications, timing everything, vaginal ultrasounds, blood work. For months… I have been there and I know how much it sucks to watch everyone walk around with kids. And here I am one of the lucky ones that had success with my fertility treatments. I have two kids.  I understand it from both sides.

But, I should have three.

This was an entirely new person and I am allowed to be sad. I am allowed to resent a million new moms at the moment because they get to have their babies, hopefully, and I do not. Mine was taken from me. I don’t get to find out who it would have been, how it would have acted or behaved, what it would have looked like, how it would have played WITH the other two kids I have. Yes, I am lucky to have two kids, but I will always wonder what life would have been like with three. I am forever a mother of three children, one of them just has wings and gets to live with God instead of me.

I’m allowed to be sad and pissed off still just two weeks out from having my miscarriage.

I promise, I will ‘get better’. I won’t dwell on it. I won’t let every little thing affect me. I won’t share every detail that DOES affect me. But, just being two weeks after it still kind of consumes my thoughts and I get so tired of people asking if I am okay. Or seem totally confused that I don’t act like myself and wonder what is up. DUDE.. you know what happened, what do you think is up? I never understood until I was there either so I know people just don’t know better but get a clue! I’m not going to bouncing around all perky and happy right now and I’m not even sorry for it. I feel like I am doing a pretty damn good job interacting and being human right now.

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